How are you suppose to understand how I feel when I don’t even know how I feel?
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Support?
Through out my whole life, I’ve never got supported for anything I have done or wanted to do. I hate the feeling of not having anyone to rely on for support. I hate doing things on my own. I hate not having anyone to just come out and watch me. I hate my family not giving me a chance. I hate being alone. I hate when after a show(s) I’ve performed in that their aren’t people coming for me and just me. It sucks having that feeling that you’re so alone when you’re doing something you love/like to do. What really sucks is when you see other people getting compliments and what not from their family members and ever friends and you’re over there alone. I felt that so many times before and WOOOO let me tell you, it isn’t the best feeling in the world. I think I’ve gotten use to that feeling though. I just shrug it off now but today event’s just brought it all back to me and the feeling of being disappointed and flaked on. People always say “oOoOo Ill go and cheer you on” and at the last minute, you seem to flake and say you can’t go anymore. Oh you know like I said, always happens.
I recently asked my sister a few days ago if she wanted to go watch me peform tomo..today at SPF but she said “No” She doesn’t want to go and rather do something else. Well thanks for the support! No one in my family has ever even went to watch me perform even at school when there was a performance. I asked my mom last night too if she wanted to go watch me, but she said she has work. Atleast she didn’t say that she could do other things than watch me dance. I don’t even think she even comprehends what I say when I’m dancing. I think she thinks im at the club or something dancing rather then choreographed dancing. Sighhhh ima end it here…
I’ve been downstairs all day except when I went out for my job interview & to get mexican food & to eat dinner. (: I think I’m going to sleep downstairs in my living room tonight. I hope no scary shit happens HAHA
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I’m going to feel really stupid if I’m looking at things the wrong way, but if you were in my shoes, you’d look at it the same way! Sigh*
Seven Fourteen
Nothing to do today and my weekend just started! I can’t go Clubbing at Highlands because the people I want to go isn’t going. I get in for free too and I can be on& off stage! Oh Sorry! I’m bragging lol So yea, clubbing is crossed out! Then there was Harry Potter but then I heard that shit was sold out since like the afternoon so that’s crossed out too! I guess its just me, myself, and I tonight!
Thanks For Showing Me Where We Stand.
I’m going to stop trying to act like everything is fine and nothing happened. I’m going to stop trying to be a friend. I ain’t gonna try to talk to you anymore. You can come talk to me. Eh Too lazy to keep going on. Bye. Done.
TMI: Sometimes I hate being on tumblr.
There be those random ass porn pictures… but What I really hate is when they turn you on ._. and then you get all frustrated cause yo little homie wont go away! HAHAHA god damn it! feigning!
I love you, Tinaa Nguyen! <3
You see that girl right there? I love her. That’s Tinaa Nguyen!! My Ghetto Fabulous Niece (: I never claim her as my bestfriend because she is my niece and she family! I don’t do bestfriends but shes one of the closest as it gets (: She really just surprised me for my birthday an hour ago (2am). She tricked me to go pick her up to go get McDonalds. As I was on the way to her house, I was on my phone and I saw something in my perifial vision and I saw her jumping up and down with a sign! It was this ghetto bitch! She made cut out a poster into a form of a pikachu and wrote on one side and made a collage of pictures on the other side! I fucken started to TEAR UP... ME!! Jayson fucken MAI!! Shit the only real time I cried was fucken new years… and when my dog died! I fucken couldn’t stop and had to stop the car. She really did surprise me and I’m so thankful right now that she is in my life. After we really went to get McDonalds I went home and fucken showed my mom right away and told her I fucken cried. I really wouldn’t know how my life would be without her. I can’t imagine my life WITHOUT her! I need her and she needs me! She is really one of the best people I can ask for. She didn’t even have to buy me anything or make me anything. I didn’t even realize it and I was basically at her house the whole fucken day. She cease to amaze me! Sigh… I couldn’t stop my eyes from tearing up when I started reading it. She is too fucken funny for me. She makes me laugh at any time of the day. I was reading and laughing while I was tearing up. Tears of fucken joy and happiness. UGH Idk how to stress how happy I am for this present and for the best present of all, her! I can’t imagine a future without her. Thank Buddha! Look at the picture below… my eyes are fucken pooofy for crying like a fucken fagget lmfao idgaf she deserves my tears the most if anything.. UGH I LOVE YOU TINAA!! BEST FRIEND“FAVORITE NIECE” EVER!! <3
show her some love on her tumblr (: http://mztinaanguyen.tumblr.com/ 
With substantial hope comes with greater disappointment.
Moral of Mai Point: Don’t get your hopes up. I learned that through most of my life. I rarely get excited for an event that someone plans or anything and everything, just in general. If you know me, there is always a good and a bad in my day. There has NEVER been a day where it is just all good without the bad and vice versa, bad without the good. I guess you can say mai life is like a Ying-Yang sign: with light(good) comes with darkness(bad). Sigh…
I feel like my friends are taking me for granted.
The previous post I just posted said, “… treat MYSELF out for once and care for MYSELF rather than others.” It reminded me of what just happened a couple of days ago and I’ve come to the conclusion of “stop spending my money on my friends whether it be for food or the movies etc.”
http://jaymaison.tumblr.com/post/7117170599/that-moment-when-your-friend-offers-to-buy-you-food [Click then Read On so you can Kind of Understand]
I’ve been extra nice to my friends lately and I just feel like I’m not appreciated for the things I do for them? I would always drive whether they ask me to drive or I’m just driving at the moment and i do NOT ask for gas money because thats just awkward to me and idgaf about that. We would go buy food and I would just pay for everyone because they’re my friends and its whatever to me yah no? Like money is money i really dont care. I’ve never really tripped about spotting my friends because they don’t have money or whatever but this was the last straw. I know I didn’t HAVE to pay for them, but I chose too. Its me just being courteous but I feel like people are taking advantage of that. Pfft… and I’m so called “mean.” Anyways Moral of the Post, I’m just done with wasting my money like its water on people who I feel like dont appreciate the courteous things I do for them. My friends would hit me up and ask me to hang out but why do I have this eerie feeling of them just trying to use me? Is it wrong for me to think like that? I don’t want to say any names… or crowd but shit.. I’m tired of it and i’ve just realized all of this which is why I’m ranting about this. Now I doubt who my friends are, but now like I have many anyways. I don’t consider all my “friends” friends. They are acquaintances. Ugh I don’t even know where I’m going with this post anymore. I hope I got my message acrossed. /endrant
idk.. i’m really lost in my thought process
